she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
