My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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