i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
