Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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