Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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