i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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