I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize