yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
