I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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