this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize