im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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