Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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