I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
