She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
