got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
