he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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