Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
