i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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