ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize