I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
