Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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