I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize