We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The air was thick with penises
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
