Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
