The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
