He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
