if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
