I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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