whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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