This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
