girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
