Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
