omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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