How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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