sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize