i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
