can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
