Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
