Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
