On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
