your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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