just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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