Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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