Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
this will be a night to untag.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
