i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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