we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
