So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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