eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
