I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
