the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
