if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
