I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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