Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
