too bad you live with your parents still
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
