at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
