I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
PANTIES FOUND
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