I bet he comes in French.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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