This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
