dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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