I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Even my vagina gasped.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
