do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize