It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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