My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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