my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize