Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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