Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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