4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
