After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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