Do you still have your period?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize