Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
