When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
