420 ftw
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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