so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize