i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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