Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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