when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
