Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
