BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
