i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
