she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
