I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
