Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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