my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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