I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
