I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
