So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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