I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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