im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
