Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
