My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
