if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
