my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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