Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
