I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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