If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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