I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My balls are so social today.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
